North Korea

If you are looking to paint the town red in Pyongyang, pack a massive bucket of gray paint instead. There is absolutely zero nightlife, no hidden back-alley bars, and a total vacuum where a gay community should be. The local gay scene in Korea, as it was known back in the day, was actually at the palace. Korea, like everyone else, has had a few gay kings, the most famous example being King Gongmin (r. 1351–1374). His palace was called Manwoldae (which translates to the "Full Moon Platform"), and honestly, I'm not making any of this up. After the death of his beloved Queen Noguk, King Gongmin reportedly lost interest in women and established a group of handsome male bodyguards known as the Jajewi. He is recorded as having 'engaged' in sexual relationships with these young men. Well, yes. Gay rulers have been known to do that. This history is so well-known that it was the subject of the 2008 movie A Frozen Flower. I'm guessing it was cold at night. But we're getting off track.

Gay men - who are not gay - can technically book a trip through tightly monitored, state-approved operators, but make no mistake: you are trapped inside the theatre of Kim's making. You will be assigned two government minders who will stay glued to your side from dawn until dusk. Could be worse. Location-based dating apps like Grindr or Tinder are just not available, so forget about them during your stay because you won't have access to the open internet. But you can cruise, right? Well, attempting to cruise local men - or make eyes at your security guards - is a direct, one-way ticket to a grueling hard-labor camp - don't misunderstand the word camp. Best to sanitize your phone of all those great gay pics before you enter the Hermit Kingdom.

The first thing you might notice during your trip to North Korea after a day of absolute fun on your sight-seeing trip is the amazing quality and entertainment offered by the national TV channels. There are currently four channels that keep you amused with subjects ranging from state documentaries, educational programs, educational programming (no, I didn't repeat that twice, those are the second and third channels), and sport, of course. A positive delight for those who like to fall asleep with the telly on.

“THE GENUINE MISSION OF FILM ART IS TO TEACH THE PEOPLE THE TRUTH OF LIFE AND ILLUMINATE THE ROAD OF STRUGGLE FOR THEM.”
Young Pioneer Tours

Fun & Risks:

• The Fun:

  Your vacation here is strictly a tour of the bizarre. Stick to the state-sanctioned historical itineraries, marvel at the gargantuan concrete monuments, and nurse a lonely pint of cheap Taedonggang beer at your designated hotel bar while your minder tracks your every gulp. Enjoy the nightlife, because that bar you're sitting in is it.

• The Risks:

  Total state surveillance is active every single second. Hotel rooms are wired, and border guards love watching you get dressed - bring some pajamas. An absolute no-no: Do not bring in any foreign media, unvetted digital files, or physical publications containing anything that could be considered explicit material. Smuggling adult content or pornography is viewed as an aggressive act of subversion, and it is a major state crime that can carry a literal death sentence.

  Really? Oh, yes. There have been some high-profile 'detentions' but not since Otto Warmbier was seized in 2016 - he tragically died in 2017 shortly after being returned to the States as a direct consequence of his time in one of Kim's prisons. However, we could not find data on 'low-profile' arrests of tourists. Our doomy conclusion is that this doesn't mean there haven't been any.

The Bottom Line

Let's be honest, this country is a horror show. It's so bad that it is even hard to empathize because that requires some ability to imagine the terror that our community must be suffering there. It is literally unimaginable. No, you should not consider going - to step foot in the place is paying homage to the Kim - and that just cannot be. However, if you do go, don't forget to drop me a line and tell me how it went!